Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize
