I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
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