kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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