seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Randomize
