hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Randomize
