Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
