Sry I called you an 8
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Randomize
