apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
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