So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
