Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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