literally had 100 drinks last night.
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Randomize
