I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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