If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Randomize
