Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
