So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Randomize
