You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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