If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
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