dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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