it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
