I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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