I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
