I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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