I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Randomize