I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Randomize