Your dad touched me again.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
