he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
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I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
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