He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
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