My brain says no but my pants say off.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
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