Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
