Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Randomize
