At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
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in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
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He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
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