You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize
