Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Soap is not a condiment
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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