If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
he shaved USA in his pubs
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
