Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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