i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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