My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
