Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
