I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
