Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
I'm always down for nudity.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
