Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
That was an excessively violent trivia night
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Randomize
