we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
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