i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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