Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
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