i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
