quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
