So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
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