Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
