Nicole vs. Life
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
40s are totally the cure
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
