he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
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