I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
