As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
lol hangovers are for mortals.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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