if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize