I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
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