Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
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