I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
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I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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