it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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