my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
