I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
wakey wakey hands off snakey
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize