I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize
