You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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